My goal isn’t to make people feel sorry for us, it’s meant to give you insight on what it’s like to walk in our shoes. So maybe the next time you meet a ‘crazy’ person you will be less judgemental. We are not crazy, our brain just doesn’t work like yours. You have no idea what it’s like to walk in someone’s shoes that has a mental illness. You know how if you are deaf you live in a whole different world than someone who can hear? Well it works the same way for us. It’s the worse feeling to be called crazy. We cannot control what are brains think. We cannot snap out of it. All we can do is push forward and hope we make it through the cycle alive and without causing too much damage.
Bipolar has stole a lot from me. I realize I just kind of gave up at times and let it take from me, but I am not going to try not to do that anymore. You have to keep going and not give up. A lot of people who struggle with mental illness self medicate with Drugs and alcohol. I use to do the same think. In that moment getting high really numbs you from your racing thoughts, depression, and when you feel like climbing out of your body and floating around the world. But Drugs and alcohol are not the answer. Yes, it feels really good and it feels like the answer when your high, but you can’t stay high forever. It only makes your cycling roller coaster 100x worse. Mania might feel good but the depression that hits afterwards could kill you. So many people with mental illness have committed suicide during their depressive state. I was almost one of those people one time. I told someone And they saved my life. I cannot tell anyone how to live their life but it is really possible to learn how to fight against bipolar. I haven’t fully figured it out but I’ve came really far. Progress is everything with this disease. And for the ones who have their illness under control and don’t let it drive their life. Cheers to you. You are Sooo very amazing!
I stopped posting bc I realized no one was reading my stuff. It’s really not surprising that no one wants to read my journal. I plan on putting more medical information about bipolar. It will be sometime this week. I’m going to be super busy. I just picked up a 2nd job… No free time for me.
Life has been rocky since I posted last time. I still think lithium is driving me crazy. It works wonderfully for a lot of people but not for me. Doc put me on Abilify too. So far I can tell a difference but it’s still hard to keep up with my moods. My bipolar has really changed since my last pychosis. I am having to learn it’s behavior all over again.