7/5/2020 @ 11:11am

Mood: neutral

I wish my mood would sometimes be happy instead of neutral or depressed. What’s missing in my life!? I guess I shouldn’t complain because I could wake up depressed everyday like a lot of people do.

The bridal shower went pretty good. Not many people showed up, maybe 10, but it was still nice. The decorations were beautiful, the games really helped bring everyone together, and the food was great. My best friend cried when she got there. When she hugged me and said thank you for everything it really made me feel good. it made the $300-$400 dollars I spent worth it. She loved her gift, I put a lot of thought into it. It was a personalized recipe box with her and her fiancé’s name on it. On the top it had a recipe for a happy marriage and it said from the kitchen of _______ and ______. She almost cried when she got that gift too. I nailed it! All of it! It really made my day great. Even though I was awkwardly silent… The maid of honor kind of asked me out too. That was a little awkward…… (not attracted to her at all)

The past few days have been super busy. I haven’t had time to do anything. I don’t even think I’ve had time to sit down and chill. I kind of like being busy but I still need leisure time. I’ve been so tired when I get in bed that I go to sleep fast and I sleep hard. I still wake up feeling tired but after my energy rush (caffeinated drink) I feel good. I’m so thankful that I do not wake up depressed everyday… I’ve really been thankful for everything I have too. The other day I stopped what I was doing and got on my knees to thank God for everything that I have been blessed with. I got cold chills during my prayer which makes me feel like he touched me to say you’re welcome. It may be a little silly but I’ve always felt that way. Well I feel that way when I’m praying or have special thoughts.

The wedding is less than a week away and I have 5 pounds to lose. I look fat in my dress and it makes me a little feel bad about my body. I’m just going to try and start exercising and drink a gallon of water everyday. No sweets, watch my carbs… and hope to lose a good 5 pounds of water weight. I’m supposed to curl the maid of honors hair for the wedding. I’m not too happy about that. My hair is going to be straight but Their hair will be curly…. :-/ oh ‘well… (I can’t curl my own hair). I don’t ‘girl too well. I definitely won’t be shining. The bride even told me that she wanted to shine and didn’t want us to shine too much……. even if we did shine, we wouldn’t be anywhere close to shining like she does when she is fixed up— in my opinion. I think she was mainly talking about me because she thinks I’m prettier than her I think… I’ve always felt like she was prettier than me. Who knows…..

I slept until 10am today and I feel like my day is going by fast. I woke up at 5:30 am the other day and felt better that day than I do today. I think I am going to try and start waking up at 5:30 everyday. I read another blogger’s post and she said waking up at the same time was apart of her routine. I guess it’s a way to set that internal clock. I really feel okay with only 6hrs of sleep. I feel good actually. I’m not a fan of taking naps though… I’ve had multiple people tell me how well routine helps them. I am going to try to start a routine of going to bed/waking up at the same time, eating at the same time, taking medication at the same time, doing chores in the same time frame, cooking, and leisure time at the same time. Hopefully once I develop the routine it will be easy to follow.

Today make 3 weeks since I’ve had a cigarette, I feel so much better. I feel like I’m going to make it this time.

Today is going to be another busy but restful day. I have a few things I want to get done. I will start my routine tomorrow morning.

Thanks for reading. Hope you’re having a good day. I will catch up on reading blog post later tonight.

Published by lostinmyhead07

I'm an Engineer who has a severe case of bipolar 1. I'm just trying to stay in control and win this battle with bi polar.

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2 Comments

  1. Hi.. It’s so good that you have come back on more of a positive level…it sounds to me like you are going on the right track…well done on quitting smoking…and it’s also very lovely that you were involved in putting together your friends bridal shower…see girl you have got this out and proud….keep doing what your doing.. and you’ll do great ♥️…

    Liked by 1 person

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