6/1/2020 @ 5:35am

Mood: Doing alright….. I am really tired this morning.

I don’t really have that feeling in my stomach this morning, which is great.

My best friend’s bridal shower is on Saturday and I am decorating and hosting it. That’s is super scary since I am socially awkward and don’t do well talking in crowds. Her maid of honor hasn’t really done anything over the past 6 months. She hasn’t been involved in any wedding planning and didn’t help make the wedding decorations. You barely can get in touch with her most of the time. My friend told me that the only reason she made her the maid of honor is bc she is her cousin and her cousin made her maid of honor in her wedding. She told me she didn’t even think about how that would make me feel. It really hurt but I’ve tried not to let it bother me. I’ve just been there for her the best I could be. She told me a few weekends ago that she wanted me to be her maid of honor now because she wanted me standing beside her. I don’t know how I really feel about that one.

I have a few last minute things to do and all the bridal shower decorations will be complete. We (the maid of honor and I) are supposed to meet up to decorate on Friday evening. I’m a little worried about that because she hasn’t been there this whole time. Her parents are supposed to give her the key to the church so I have to depend on her to show up. I really don’t like depending on anyone for anything. This should be interesting….

Work will be super busy today. I have so much stuff to get done before tomorrow. I have about 6 construction prints to make in one day. It almost seems unrealistic but I have to get them done. I will work late if I have to.

Speaking of work…. I have worked for this company for 16 months now and I have grown as a person so much. I’ve never worked at the same place longer than 8 months. So this is quit an accomplishment. I remember when I first started… I was super depressed and doubted myself. I didn’t think I could do it and the fact that I had to communicate with customers, managers, coworkers… really discouraged me. I don’t do much talking but I do my job. I’m probably known as the weirdo because every conversation I’ve had with anyone was awkward at some point or another. And I have a hard time responding when people talk. I don’t ever know what to say….. I really hate that about myself now. My point is… it was super scary at first and I didn’t think I was qualified… but I did it and things are a lot easier now. My contract is supposed to end at the end of the year with a chance of being extended longer. Either way… I hope That I have worked here long enough to clean up my work history. I’m trying to walk in faith and leave it in God’s hands and not worry about it. Faith not fear.

Have a good day everyone.

Published by lostinmyhead07

I'm an Engineer who has a severe case of bipolar 1. I'm just trying to stay in control and win this battle with bi polar.

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3 Comments

  1. Sounds like your job is mostly positive. I’ve been told other people are too busy thinking about themselves to think that I’m weird, but I don’t know if that’s true.

    I don’t like depending on other people either. I worry they’re going to let me down.

    Liked by 1 person

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