11/20/19 @ 7pm

Mood: depressed but it’s not so bad.

I know I said I had the it is what it is mindset but things are still hard. I cried a couple times today. I know time heals everything. I’m just waiting… I know I’ll be stronger once this pain goes away but I Can’t help but ask why. Why do I have to go through this? It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have to see him every day and know what they are doing every time they leave the office for hours and hours. I know I’m only dealing with this situation like I am because I’m OCD and crazy. I know that I’m crazy… I really can’t help it. I hope I find someone to love my crazy one day. I say that but part of me doesn’t want to let myself care about anyone else. Or maybe I should just be done with guys period. I am attracted to women too so maybe I should try dating a woman instead. I’m not really sure at this point. Either way I need to get my shit together first. I don’t think anyone wants to be around someone who is always in a bad mood all the time. Or someone who isn’t happy with themself. I know I need to focus on myself right now.

I’m super busy at work and it’s such a blessing. I think everything would be a lot worse if I wasn’t busy.

I started drinking a gallon of water per day last week. I can honestly tell a difference already. I notice that I don’t need my afternoon dose of caffeine anymore. I feel like I can tell a difference in my complexion too. I know it’s too soon to notice all the benefits from drinking a gallon of water per day…. But I do feel better though.

Published by lostinmyhead07

I'm an Engineer who has a severe case of bipolar 1. I'm just trying to stay in control and win this battle with bi polar.

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4 Comments

  1. I also would love to find someone who loves me just the way I love him. I can understand you so well. I really do wish that will happen one day 💖 We also have to be happy about ourselves of course

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think everyone who is bipolar is crazy at least half of the time. I feel like I’ve earned the right to say that. We are very misunderstood. My brain tortures me with crazy thoughts. I’m a prisoner to my mind. I constantly think about things that upset me. I say and do things that aren’t always appropriate. I do things that a normal person wouldn’t do. I’m 30 years old and I have a 20 year old maturity level. I am crazy…. I’ve just got to learn how to hide my crazy and not let it define me. I can’t help what my brain thinks.

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