10/25/2019 @ 5:35pm

Mood: Neutral

Day 14 without a cigarette. Considering they say nicotine is as addicting as heroin, I’m feeling pretty good about it.

I’ve lost over 5 pounds since I started my diet. 8 pounds actually… It’s been about a month.

So this week has been really long. I’m so glad it’s finally the weekend. I’ve grown tired of my job… which really sucks. My relationship with *** is still weird.. But I’m handling everything a lot better than I was. The girl I was jealous of actually got fired. I still think they have something going on and it drives me crazy. I’ve been trying to look at it as a blessing. He won’t try to mess with me anymore… I couldn’t be with him anyway. Things are still weird but it’s nothing like it use to be. I actually started being shy in the office at one point because I felt so uncomfortable about the rejection. I know this might be confusing. Rejection? You said you couldn’t be with him? I still felt rejection after I told him how I felt because he didn’t feel the same. What would have happened if he did feel the same? I’ve realized things would have been more complicated. Anyway…

Nothing too exciting has happened in my life. I feel like my mental health has been better considering how bad it was last week. I feel so much better since I quit smoking.

Kickboxing is still going great. It’s like therapy… Not only am I exercising but I’m able to hit things to release this 20 years of built up anger. Not to mention my personal trainer makes me laugh like no other and he talks to me about the things that’s on my mind that day. He is a philosopher and he is very wise. I really like his views about life. Kickboxing is one of the best things that is happening in my life right now. I love it. I don’t always feel like going but I make myself go anyway. And I feel great afterwards. I do the same thing with going to the gym. I’m still so tired all the time so I really have to push myself to do anything. It took everything I had to clean my granny’s house today.

I went to the library after work and checked out 2 non fiction books. I’ve realized that if I’m going to read I might as well learn something along the way. I flipped through my books and everything I read was interesting. I’m about to start reading the rest of the evening. I literally cannot wait to start reading these books. Other than school text books… I’ve never read non fiction. I think I found a new love.

I hope everyone has a great day!