10/17/2019 @ 6:06pm

Mood: depressed and crazy

Okay so today makes 6 days without a cigarette. I feel like I’m going insane. I’m not sure if I will be able to do this or not.

I’ve been depressed all day. Tired. Irritable. Anxious with racing thoughts. It’s been horrible. One of the hardest days so far.

I did manage to get a few things accomplished today but there was a half of dozen other things I could have done. I remember walking in the bathroom and feeling like I was floating looking at my own body. I couldn’t help but ask God why me. I’m sure from reading my post you are seeing that I’m losing my mind over here. I read that it takes up to 3 months for your chemicals in your brain to adjust after you quit smoking. I’m not sure if I can handle this.

It was so bad about 30 minutes ago I tried to meditate but I kept thinking about how I’ve been acting like a fool at work bc of ***. My whole personality has changed. I’m shy and insecure. Everything has changed. I felt like my head was going to explode with racing thoughts. I don’t want anyone around me. Everyone is getting on my nerves. I’m really starting to have trouble functioning like normal. Scary but it’s the truth.

I did pray and ask God to make it go away… I actually feel 10xs better now. Still not 100% and I know it will only come back.

I am about to go to kick boxing so hopefully I will feel better afterwards.