10/15/2019

Mood: relieved

I just talked to my old doctor on the phone. She let me know it’s okay to be a homebody and to be isolated. Some people are just this way. There is nothing wrong with me. She thinks that my ability to socialize depends on my confidence. I have a very low self esteem so that’s why I have a hard time socializing. I talked to her about *** and she said you have a reason to be depressed. You’re going through the real thing and it’s just going to take time to get over it. She told me I should talk to a therapist and I think that is something I am going to look into doing. To help build confidence. She made me realize that I always blame everything on my illness and sometimes the way you are is just you. And that you have to become comfortable with yourself. If you are happy being at home away from people.. Then do what makes you happy. Don’t worry about being like everyone else. I don’t have to talk to strangers to learn how to socialize. It will come natural when I build confidence in myself. And some people are just quiet and do better with one on one socialization. And that’s me. I realize I am who I am bc God made me this way. So I am going to try and love myself the way I am and not worry about being like someone that I’m not. I’m happy with being home. I’m okay with being anti social. I just never thought it was acceptable. I thought something was wrong with me. There is a lot of people who are just like me. Maybe I will find a guy that’s like me one day. I’m still depressed but I feel so much better about myself.

Goodnight.