Mood: I am okay… not sad, mad, or happy. I feel a little some type of way but I’m not depressed anymore I don’t think.
Today started off really bad. I was so depressed about *** that I didn’t even want to get out of bed. I dragged myself to work and didn’t get anything accomplished because I had no motivation. My work just piled up and now I have a list full of stuff that I need to get done on Monday. I’ve never experienced anything like this since I started this new job. Luckily I didn’t have anything that needed to be done today. I was sick to my stomach depressed all day. I didn’t want to eat… I felt nauseas… I am really not exaggerating. It felt like my heart was broke and I didn’t know which way to turn. It felt like this all day. I had no energy when I got home. I just wanted to sit on the porch. I’ve been so sad all day. I haven’t felt like this in about 7 or 8 months.
I knew I had to do something or it would only keep getting worse! So I got up and went to the gym. I lifted heavy weight and I did intense cardio. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulder. I feel so much better. I know endorphins were released.. So this feeling will be gone by morning.. maybe. But I will work out multiple times a day if it will prevent me from being depressed. I know some people are obsessed with working out-my dad is one of them. (He also suffers with bipolar and doesn’t take any medication.) I can really understand why…. I feel so much better now.
On my way to the gym I was thinking about my blog. I really don’t know why I even write this blog. What kind of awareness am I bringing? That I’m bipolar and my mood fluctuates like crazy.. Allowing everyone to be in personal life. But now.. I realize that it makes me feel good when people comment and/or like my blogs… or even just visit or view. It makes me feel good when someone actually reads about my life. It makes me feel interesting and like I’m not alone. I feel like it is really helping me in some kind of way. I really hope that no one I know reads these and knows it’s me though.. because I talk about things I would never talk about to just anyone. I would post a picture if I wasn’t so scared of being identified. For now I am going to keep my blog public and keep posting updates everyday. Thank you to the people who continues to read, like, and comment on my blogs. You guys make me feel good and I really appreciate you. I know I don’t always comment or like all of your blogs… but I really don’t spend much time on here. I write my blog and I get offline. You know I have a hard time reading. Sometimes I just can’t follow everything that you write in your blogs. I will try to put more effort into supporting you like you support me. I am very interested in you… interested in everyone that I follow. Even though I do have my favorites.
I hope everyone has a great night.