10/9/2019 @ 8:13pm

Mood: Pretty good- ALOT better than yesterday

I had a doctor’s appointment today. Everything went really well. He actually told me that he sees no sign of bipolar. He says that everyone shows symptoms of bipolar every now and then. He said that he has been manic before and that he isn’t bipolar. He said that the difference between the two is that a person with bipolar experiences the symptoms and they tend to get worse (extreme). And that the mood swings or phases? or whatever seem to last longer for someone with bipolar disorder. He also said my sad moods is because I am just not happy with my life. He said that medication can only do so much, that I will have to find my own enjoyment out of life. All this makes so much sense. I have had mood swings but they normally only last for a day. I use to stay depressed, manic, or a combination of both for weeks at a time. I never truly realized how well I am doing right now. Everything seems to be going really well and then I will have a bad day and think everything has gone to crap. And that I am not getting better. If you look at my first blog post you will see how much I have improved. (If you have been following me) Anyway…

Today went really well. I actually had a good day at work… even though *** kind of ignored me today. That really bothered me but I now realize that it’s for the best. I actually told him that I had feelings for him yesterday and apparently that kind of scared him away. It’s def. obvious that he doesn’t feel the same way about me. Which is a good thing since I could never be with him anyway. I really don’t know why I even confessed my feelings for him. I’m not sure what exactly I was expecting to get from that. Things are going to change now but I know everything happens for a reason. Maybe this is exactly what I should have done a long time ago. If he ignores me then it will make it a lot easier for me to ignore him.

I ate healthy again today and went to the gym during my lunch break again. I’ve had really good work outs in the past few days. It makes me feel great about myself. Kickboxing was awesome last night. I’ve actually taken kickboxing a total of 3 months. It is complete therapy for me. I have a personal trainer and he is awesome. It’s a killer work out and he makes me laugh! Great therapy! I get to punch things and laugh while I am doing it. How much better can it get? HAHA! It feels like I’ve been to hell and back sometimes. Everything I’ve been though throughout my life.. It would shock you to be honest. I know there are people who have had it so much worse than me but my life hasn’t been easy. I know I am getting better but I still have 20 years of built up anger I am able to release in my kick boxing classes. I took kickboxing for 3 months straight and then I quit because my trainer stood me up one day. It was on the Fourth of July… he forgot to tell me he wasn’t having class that day. I quit and started back last night. I have missed it so much. I am so glad that I went back. Lifting weights and kick boxing is my thing now. I enjoy both of them so much. I really want to quit smoking a start running too. That would be awesome. I’ve always been into health and fitness. I just tend to fall of the wagon sometimes. I can honestly say I feel so much better when I am eating healthy, exercising, and not smoking. That is my goal for the month, to quit smoking. I’ve said this time and time again but I know that I will quit one day. I bought smoker patches and nicotine gum. I’m going to try and quit again tomorrow. Wish me luck!!

Oh! And thanks to the awesome comment that was left on my post from yesterday.. Someone provided me with a solution to my problems from yesterday. SO thankful for that! Great advice! Thank you!

Published by lostinmyhead07

I'm an Engineer who has a severe case of bipolar 1. I'm just trying to stay in control and win this battle with bi polar.

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