10/4/2019 @ 5:15pm

Mood: manic

I haven’t posted in a few days because everything was going okay… I thought anyway. Monday night, after the cookout, I didn’t really sleep well because I was obsessing about everything that happened that day. What I did right and/or what I did wrong. I felt okay on Tuesday…. Especially since *** gave me sooo much attention. I left work feeling hypnotized. Even after all the flirting he did with that girl at the cook out. I went to the gym, after work, and did 30 minutes of cardio. Felt great. Tuesday night I slept okay but it wasn’t the best sleep. On Wednesday, *** went to the same office that the girl from cook out worked at. I was really feeling some type of way. Jealousy flooded my whole body. I couldn’t even think straight. So… I went to the gym on my lunch break and after work on Wednesday. And I gave *** the cold shoulder the rest of the day. (Not sure if I said that right) I could tell it bothered him too. I went home so upset and heart broken. This girl is gorgeous, likes sports, blonde, and talks junk with all the guys…very witty. Everything that I’m not. So much like *** it’s not even funny. I went home sad sick Wednesday. On Thursday… *** didn’t come to work until later in the day. I ended up taking an Ativan because my nerves were so tore up. When I got home Thursday, I went and talked to my best friend about it and felt a lot better but still upset. I ended up taking 2 shots of the fireball, that my friend gave me, when I got home. I didn’t sleep well last night. And in the last 5 hours I cycled into a manic phase. I’m not really sure how long it will last. I’m dehydrated, racing thoughts, I feel jacked up on caffeine… I can’t concentrate. And I have an urge to go shopping. I just got paid today. I can’t spend any money though so I am not going to give into shopping. I am going to use this built up energy to clean and be productive instead of doing something reckless. I plan to stay at home and not to conversate with anyone besides friends and family. Luckily it hit me… Or was noticeable enough for me to recognize it… After I left work. The funny thing is that I didn’t do any cardio yesterday. I’m sure that would have been more beneficial than drinking alcohol. Alcohol and lack of sleep is probably what did this to me.

Hopefully it won’t last long.

How do I get over *** when he goes out of his way to give me attention everyday. I have feelings for this guy and I can’t be with him. And now there is this other girl in the picture. What do I do!?

Published by lostinmyhead07

I'm an Engineer who has a severe case of bipolar 1. I'm just trying to stay in control and win this battle with bi polar.

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3 Comments

  1. Hi, lovely.. Sometimes it’s hard… So sorry to hear about *** and what it is causing for you to feel like, I know that you had high hopes of it being more serious…it can be really difficult, but you are a strong girl to come out of all of this, have faith, I’m just giving you some advice here, but try not be flirtatious back.. Because you’ll only get even more hurt, sounds like the blonde girl loves the attention, but concentrate on yourself… You should read my blog on finding love with bipolar as you will find the right love one day your only young… And even though you try extremely hard to lead a normal life… You’ll find the right person one day… *** don’t waste your energy… Keep the energy for yourself, because you will look back at all of this and think, i did it i have come this far…. And you will be there to guide others. You have time… take care ❤️✌😄

    Liked by 1 person

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