9/23/2019 @ 9:10pm

Mood: blahh. I don’t really know how to rate my mood unless it’s good, bad, or neutral. Can’t wait to be able to say it’s good/happy. Maybe one day….

Today was a good day mostly. Work went by fast, I got two new jobs to work on tomorrow. *** was flirting with me and giving me loads of attention today. I went most of the day without smoking a cigarette… No racing thoughts. I was thinking clearly… So for the most part it was pretty good.

But about 2 hours ago I ate a lot of food and since about 7:30pm I’ve smoked like 5 cigarettes. So now I’m just like blah.

I went to bring my granny food after work, then got stuck in traffic for an hour, got home about 7 and then went out to eat with my little cousin. We went to a buffet and I ate way too much so now I feel fat and ugly. 😆 I talked myself into buying a pack of cigarettes and it’s like I’ve been playing catch up for the past two hours. I want to quit so bad but I don’t think I’m going to be able to. It really messes with my head.

After I got home I just sat around bc I was miserably full.. So I definitely feel like blah right about now.

Cannot wait to curl up in the bed and get some sleep.

There is always tomorrow. Going to try to stop again tomorrow. God awful habit.

Can’t wait to see *** tomorrow. ❤

Published by lostinmyhead07

I'm an Engineer who has a severe case of bipolar 1. I'm just trying to stay in control and win this battle with bi polar.

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