9/19/2019 @ 7:52am

Mood: I’m not sure. I am anxious, feeling bad about myself, have racing thoughts, restless, impatient….

Obviously I am really sick and I’m not sure if I did it or if I am just naturally cycling. There is a possibility my medication needs to be upped. I talk to my doctor about it today and he raised abilify from 15mg to 22.5mg. I hope to be able to tell a difference in the next few days. My racing thoughts are so bad I am having a hard time focusing or paying attention to anything. I am back to staring off in space lost in my head. It really sucks. It’s affecting my work, driving, paying attention when people are talking to me. My mind is going 100mph and I can’t make it stop. I don’t understand how an ambien or ativan caused this. Is it just a coincidence???

Today was a terrible day. I had a meeting and couldn’t pay attention at all. A guy at work kept picking with me and I am so socially awkward it was so embarrassing. If this is how it’s going to be working in the position I am in . then I don’t want to do it anymore…. If this is how it’s going to be everywhere… I want to work somewhere that I don’t have to interact with anyone. I hate humiliating myself. I’m not fit to interact with people much less try to joke. I say awkward stuff and dwell on it afterwards. I hate my life today.

Does anyone else struggle with interacting with people like I do?

I need someone who I can talk to about this….

Published by lostinmyhead07

I'm an Engineer who has a severe case of bipolar 1. I'm just trying to stay in control and win this battle with bi polar.

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    1. Thank you for that. The only way I know how to deal with this is to avoid everyone. Just not talk and hopefully no one will notice me. It’s obvious I am awkward so why do his keep picking with me? Smh. I am too sick to be dealing with this nonsense.


    1. Dang. Doesn’t it make you want to run from it? Geez it’s crazy. I use to be a social butterfly. I had so many friends. Could talk to anyone. Never met a stranger… But then I had a pychosis in 2010 and it changed my life. I really understand what it’s like now to have a hard time socializing and being accepted. It is really hard to deal with. Have a great weekend.


  1. I have a hard time being around people. It feels like too much stimulation, and I find it hard to pretend to care enough about what people are saying. Some people get it and leave me alone, but other people seem to be so focused on their own desire to talk that they don’t pick up the signals to back off, and they think everyone wants to talk as much as they do. I think the guy picking at you at work was probably more about his own inability to pick up on social signals than it was about you being awkward.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh man.. Idk. It’s very hard… Especially when this particular person is someone who I have a crush on. It makes everything so much worse. I am doing better today. Just trying to teach myself to not care what people think of me. That would make this situation so much easier.

    Whenever I don’t care about what someone is talking about, I drift in my own world and don’t hear a word they are saying. People really suck. I’m soooo antisocial now. I use to not be this way. I changed after my pychosis in 2010.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, psychosis changes a lot.
      It’s hard not to care what someone thinks when you have an emotional connection with that person. With people that aren’t that important to me it’s usually fairly easy not to care with people think about me, but when they matter to me in some way it’s soooooo much harder.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi, I’m sorry I’ve only just read your post hunny.. I sometimes feel tense in a crowd of people, it’s a horrible feeling….. esp when you feel intimidated by others But you can talk to me anytime… Just email me. It’s awful for you to have to go through this, even though you have family, sometimes it’s hard to share, and we only interact on here, everyone needs a friend. Try and stay positive 🙏

    Liked by 1 person

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