9/13/2019 @ 7:00pm

Mood: Neutral

So, if you read my blog yesterday then you probably know that I wasn’t doing too great. I really didn’t know what was wrong with me until today. PMS is extreme for me. Today I have felt so much better. I actually was able to go to sleep last night without taking any type of sleeping medication. This is kind of a big deal since I’ve been taking it every night for years. It made a huge difference this morning. I actually felt rested and didn’t feel groggy like normal.

Today has been a good day. I have been a little irritable but not as bad as the past few days. I didn’t wake up dwelling about everything that could possibly go wrong in my life. I actually felt motivated this morning. So excited that it’s finally the weekend. I have so much that I need to do…

To do list: Clean my house, clean granny’s house, laundry, mow my yard, run errands, give my dog a bath, remove all of granny’s stuff out of her room & closet -so she can get her floor replaced, go to the gym, and help Makayla with homework.

I kind of wish I was manic right about now…. I doubt I will get everything done but I sure am going to try!

At times I wish I had a boyfriend and sometimes I wish I had friends to hang out with… but other times.. I really don’t think I have the time. My granny & cousin needs my attention right now. They are who matters the most to me. I never know how much longer my granny will be here… her health is very bad.. and my little cousin has crappy parents. I want to form that bond with her that a mother would form with her daughter or a bond that sisters share. She makes my world go around. I really need to start thinking of things that we can start doing together to enjoy life. She doesn’t really like doing much though. She also struggles with bipolar. Her mom abandoned her two different times and her parents divorced when she was 7.

I’m normally just sitting at the house so I really don’t even know what there is to do around me. I always say I need to learn how to enjoy life & I always think about spending time with friends.. but I already have a friend to have fun with. My 12 year old little cousin.

I would love to fall in love and to be loved unconditionally… but right now I want to spend all of my free time with my granny, little cousin, and animals. I do need to find stuff we can do together to enjoy life. But I am okay with putting my love life on hold to make sure they have the best life they can have.

I plan on going to Church on Sunday!!! Hopefully I actually go.. you never know with me. I change my mind A LOT. I really think church will feel the void I have in my heart.

Have a good weekend!

Published by lostinmyhead07

I'm an Engineer who has a severe case of bipolar 1. I'm just trying to stay in control and win this battle with bi polar.

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