For the past 2 nights I have slept maybe 4 hours. I am so manic right now. It really makes me reckless. This new medication has made my insomnia worse. I’ve been doing everything I am supposed to. Eating healthy, exercising, taking my medication correctly. Now I have to go to work and remember not to talk super fast, and not to say anything that is damaging to my chances of having my contract renewed in March. I can really tell a difference with my racing thoughts but I’ve still been having those racing thoughts. My future is on the line right now. This is my last chance to break into my field of study. I know life isn’t fair but it’s just not right to have to experience things like this when you do everything you are supposed to. My irritability is under control for the most part I think. I don’t feel so angry but I am thinking so fast, talking so much, dreaming the impossible…. Just very hyper. Life really is hard for me. It makes me want to cry sometimes. I’m so scared….