7/31/2019 (8:21am)

I went to the doctor yesterday and he upped my dose of lithium and added abilify to the mix. I have been taking lithium for almost three years. Minus the 5 months I stopped taking any medication and ended up going into a pychosis. I will never do that again.

The symptoms I was experiencing from lithium is why I stopped taking it. It literally made me crazy. I would lay in the floor curled up just rocking bc my racing thoughts were so bad. I thought GOD was trying to talk to me. I thought I met my twin flame and text him all day everyday and he never responded. He blocked me 7 times and I still found ways to message him. I was constantly in my head. I went through 4 jobs in a year. I tried to rescue a abused and neglected dog that was on my property and was charged with misdemeanor larceny. The dog lived next door and I called the humane society on these people over 5 times. I witnessed one of their dogs die on a chain. Moaning in pain for over 24 hours. I offered to have him put to sleep but no… Anyway it was still a dumb choice on my part to risk my career saving a dog. I loved him and found an awesome rescue in Maryland but got busted.

Anyway… So many bad things happened when I was taking lithium. I can honestly think about it now and see how crazy I really was. I had to take a leave of absence from work bc it got so bad. During that leave I stopped taking my medication bc I thought God was telling me to. Then I went into a pychosis. It lasted for 5 months before it got so bad that my family had the cops come get me and put me in the hospital. Lithium is bad for me. He will not listen to me. Is there anything I can do if he ruins my life with lithium?

This really sucks. I am so stressed, anxious, distracted, irritated, and just so scared. It’s my brain!!!

Doc says you have a severe case of bipolar but it I think it is treatable. Dear God I hope so. I have so much potential… All of us do… I don’t want to get on disability. I just want understanding and approval. It was really hard getting my engineering degree to just let it go down the drain bc of a mental illness.

I deleted all my previous post I noticed no one cared enough to read my posts… But maybe one day…. It will reach another person struggling like me.

Published by lostinmyhead07

I'm an Engineer who has a severe case of bipolar 1. I'm just trying to stay in control and win this battle with bi polar.

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