Lost in My head
This was before I changed medication.
I often look at everyone around me and wonder what it would be like to have their brain instead of mine.
I am 30 years old with a Bachelor’s of Science degree in Engineering. I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 when I was hospitalized for the first time in 2010. My life has been nothing but hell ever since. I know that I have poor English and I know that I do not know how to punctuate. This blog is meant to help me document the chaos that goes on in my mind in attempt to find help for myself and provide help for other people. I know that their is a lot of successful people with bipolar disorder that have overcome the battle and took control of their mental illness… But I am not one of them… I have a engineering degree and I am still being controlled by my mental illness. I am an above average attractive woman (so I have been told) and I have been single since I was 17 years old. I have one friend that I barely talk to and I have no life. I rarely watch TV, I do not read (obviously), I have no hobbies, I have no interest, and the only person who understands me is my grandmother. I literally sit around in my free time fully consumed with racing thoughts. I am here but not really here… If that makes any sense. I have tried 20+ types of medications and I am still crippled from living a some what normal life. I am so lost. I am going to document every crazy thing that pops in my head throughout every day. In attempt to give someone insight on what people like me really struggle with. There is so many of us who fight to win the battle everyday and feel like we are all alone. Everyone has their own story and although I’ve experienced traumatic events, I am very fortunate to have what I have. I am not sure if anyone will be interested in my life… But I think it will be fascinating for someone to follow my battle with bipolar and be apart of the obstacles I went through to win the battle. I will win… I’ve been fighting for 9 years and I haven’t given up yet.